I love CBeebies. (The BBCs dedicated TV channel for little people). Yeah I’ve said it. Almost anything released on CBeebies seems to at least survivable for parents to watch. (Dont mention Teletubbies -they are exception here).

But I can’t help but have some questions about some of the CBeebies Shows I catch myself watching…*

Andys Prehistoric Adventures

Andy’s Prehistoric Adventures for example. Sure OK, he’s had a history of flying around the world, but this time travelling thing.

How did Andy discover he can travel in time?

From what I can tell, Andy can only travel in time when the clock chimes, and he stands in front of it in time to shout the time he wants to travel to. Its a system with so many ways to go wrong, it makes the Doctors TARDIS look accurate.

How did he discover that this all happened?

Postman Pat

Well. Where do I start? Historically, Pats not been reliable or efficient at being a postman. Which considering “Postman” is his first name, is kinda unfortunate. How has he kept his job for so so long?

This level of inefficiency of his work leads me onto my next question about Postman Pat. Where the sticking heck did he get a flipping helicopter from?  He delivers pretty much just around the countryside. He’d be fine delivering from a van. Maybe I’m just jealous?

Maybe I want a helicopter for my work?

Teletubbies

Teletubbies, are the exception to the “CBeebies are good” rule. The show is a terrifying blip on the CBeebies landscape, they make the characters of In The Night Garden seem normal, and not like a drug induced trip through a hallucinogenic mushroom forest.

But I guess small kids love it.

Teletubbies annoyed me when they first appeared. This new incarnation of Teletubbies seem to have Teletubbie babies.

Aren’t Teletubbies meant to be babies themselves? If so, how in the name of Justins ass does that work?

Get Well Soon

Lovely innocent show featuring Dr Ranj being a kind Doctor to a bunch of worried puppets. I wonder if Dr Ranj has ever had to give a puppet bad news?

Kate and Mim-Mim

Charming show. Google describes it as:

Kate is a young girl with a wild imagination. It’s that imagination that attracts a bunny named Mim-Mim, who becomes a larger-than-life playmate for Kate as they travel to the fantasy world of Mimiloo. Kate goes there whenever she has a problem at home that she needs to solve. In Mimiloo, Kate can be whatever she wants, from a princess to a pirate. Other residents of Mimiloo include gardener Gobble, inventor Tack and mischievous Boomer. When each adventure ends, Kate has solved her problem and is anxious to get home to tell her parents about it.

What I want to know is, what’s happening in the “real world” whilst Kate is in her fantasy world of Mimiloo? Has she collapsed? Is she frozen? Or is she simply sat there, unresponsive, like a young girl in front of a TV screen?

In The Night Garden

This is Teletubbies for the next generation. If Teletubbies is about babies learning to talk, In The Night Garden appears to be the fevered dream of Iggle Piggle as he drifts alone on the ocean.

Within this dream, we seem to find The Night Garden. There we find a number of “interesting” characters, including Upsy Daisy, how does she make her hair – and skirt stand up like that on demand?

Each episode of In The Night Garden ends with Iggle Piggle being told by a calming voice, “Its Ok Iggle Piggle, its time to go”. Considering the state we find him at the start of the episode, does this mean that each episode of the childrens bedtime favorite, ends with the death of the main character? 

Have you got any questions or wonderings about CBeebies shows similar to the above? 

*This is meant to be taken light-hearted. Honest. I didn’t mean it to all go a little bit #CbeebiesDarkThoughts. Honest…