Stumbled across this.
Figured with the holidays coming up, someone else may also find this useful.
Christmas
The Christmas Parenting Woes of Joseph
It occured to me the other day, normally when you see Mary and Joseph in a stable, they seem to be smiling. Whilst I know that a birth of a baby is meant to be a happy occasion, I’m fairly sure Joseph was already having his own series of parenting woes. After all, all parents have them, but I wondered what sort of issues Joseph had as a parent…
- Busy wondering if the animals had been fed recently.
- Why are all these guys rocking up?That smell? Baby or livestock?
- “Yes I know I didn’t book ahead – sorry dear”
- When people comment about how the little one looks like his mother.
- Those moments he compared himself to the other father.
- Dealing with a little drummer boy.
- Planning the return journey to take into account a small child.
- Getting shouted at by Mary for spending “just 5 minutes” in the inn.
- The pressure of having to entertain three kings at once.
- Being slightly worried that the animals may get confused over the whole baby in a manger thing.
I guess I’m thankful we didn’t have to put up with a little drummer boy randomly showing when Little Sofa was born.
Getting Good Seats At The Nativity Play
Christmas. Its a time of goodwill, peace to all men. Apart from obviously during late night Christmas shopping, Tesco, the end of the work do, and when parents wrestle for the best seat at the School Nativity play.
So how can you get the good seats at a school nativity play?
Here’s our tips*:
- Involve Spy / Friend on the inside who’s paid enough attention to know the quick way in.
- Use your Ninja skills to sneak past people.
- Invest in some bribe material for the school receptionist. (Chocolate, or alcohol would usually do the trick)
- Wear some American football style armor.
- Use any PE Equipment / Zip Wire to your advantage.
- Nativity Play at the end of the day? Drop the child off at the start of the day… don’t go home. (May need the above mentioned bribe material to avoid the cops being called).
- Walk in while wearing a nativity costume. Enough people may sit far enough away from you, so you end up getting a good seat anyway. Particularly if you’re dressed and smelling like a donkey.
- Fly a drone into the school hall, watch nativity via drones camera. Hope the battery for the drone doesn’t die.
- Involve a well placed confused old dear to stand in (other) peoples way.
- Sleeping bag. Reserve your place when the school closes the day before.
Any other ideas?
*Obviously if you do any of this, people may look at you oddly / arrange for you to be arrested. Good Luck…
When The Decorations Go Up…
Actually thinking about, I don’t care if it’s Mulled.
Someone pass me the wine…
Stuff To Do Before Christmas
Such a peaceful time of year… obviously haven’t included things like decorations… getting to all the Christmas Carol services… finding Santa – just for small one to not speak to him…
Mary, and Her Christmas Parenting Problems
All parents have some parenting problems of some shape or form. For most it’s a case of NEVER SLEEPING, but for others it could be something like the kids NEVER EATING (when they are meant to), or never ever having two tidy rooms in the house.
For Mary, as in Jesus’ mum, I guess it was a slightly different set of problems she had when Jesus was born.
The problems we could come up with so far are…
- Many, many, unexpected guests.
- Joseph nipping out with the shepherds to wet the baby’s head.
- The place (presumingly) looking like a barn.
- Dealing with a Talking Donkey. (According to a Nativity I’ve seen)
- Possibly still fielding questions about the timing of the birth / marriage.
- Just as she’s just getting used to parenting, a bunch of “wise men” appear. “Wise Men” who give some fairly questionable gifts for a small child.
- That kid still flipping drumming.
- Wanting nappies as a gift… and getting myrrh.
- Wondering if the smell was baby or animal.
I guess I’m thankful we didn’t have to put up with a little drummer boy when the small one was born.
Anything you would add to the above?
When I Went Searching For Santa
There seems to be a load of things people don’t mention about being a dad, as a result you don’t find out about them until you’re a Dad yourself, and you’re living the stuff that people don’t talk about. (Still with me?)
For example, the massively wide range of jobs you end up doing, jobs such as negotiator, monster hunter, or human transport device. (Aka carrying on your shoulders).
The other evening, a local charity had arranged for Santa to wonder the streets of Exeter. As a result, I found myself walking the streets to find Santa. (This was to ensure he walked the roads we were hoping he would).
I reached the end of the road where I expected to find them, and as the reality of the cold air kicked in, I wondered why on Earth I was doing this.
It’s hard to explain the emotions felt as Santa and his sleigh turned around the corner at this moment.
But I very much felt that I had “found Santa”.
Twist in the tail? When he passed our place, the small one didn’t want to speak / see / smile at him. But Santa did have a sleigh, and the sleigh did have plenty of lights on, which we had to follow that around until we agreed to wave “bye”.
Obviously. Following the sleigh was all done on my shoulders…
That terrible picture above? If you look really closely, you may indeed also see Santa.
Dealing With Post Christmas Horrific Child Syndrome
Judging from the collective Facebook related screams from various parents. And the state of this households sanity. I’m convinced that Post Christmas Horrific Child Syndrome is a thing.
Post Christmas Horrific Child Syndrome, or PCHC for short is when children of a certain age realise that the presents have dried up, exciting Christmas trips are not a thing any more, and chocolate for breakfast is no longer acceptable.
Basically, Post Christmas Horrific Child Syndrome is when children are trying to accept that normality is slowly returning. This results in behavior that you wouldn’t normally have to deal with. (EG. Screaming “No don’t dance with open scissors!”)
If you are also dealing with PCHC, there is no immediate guidance here. Except of course.
Drink Wine.
Responsibly.
#MySundayPhoto – Christmas Lights
Three lessons of the week.
- Small one finds driving around looking at lights fairly boring. Walking and looking lights is entirely different.
- Taking a short cut over a park in the dark can seem fun. Letting small one go on the zip wire in the dark is also a nice fun “holiday thing” to do, but and this is the important bit, if you decide to go on the zip wire yourself, remember one simple trick. Hold On.
- Hitting your head as you fall off a zip wire isn’t a cool, hip, or trendy look on any Dad.
Big Christmas To Do List
My to do list of things to do before Christmas.
I’ve already realised I’ve left out “wrapping”.
I’m also sure I included “Still go to work” on there as well.
